Lone Star Nannies Blog: Love Languages

Love Languages

Hello, from Lone Star Nannies!

Dr. Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages has been on the New York Times’ best seller list since 2007. Based on its popularity, you’ve probably taken a love language quiz at some point in your life! While serving as a marriage counselor, Dr. Chapman began to see patterns in the conflicts that led husbands and wives to feel unloved. After a deep dive into years of session notes, he ended up with five love languages. The basic premise of his book is that people with different personalities give and receive love in different ways. Since that time, his work has expanded beyond marriage to include practical advice for parents to identify the love languages of their children. You can check out the book and other resources here at the Love Languages website. 

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

We all know that person who lights up when you give them a compliment! If your child can’t stop smiling when you give them praise or feedback, there’s a high probability that they crave words of affirmation. Kids who deeply desire validation and recognition often thrive on the power of words. Whether you’re a nanny who makes sure this child overhears you speaking highly of them to their parents or a mom who writes a poem for every child on their birthday, your words will be ingrained in their memory. 

WHAT THIS MIGHT LOOK LIKE IN YOUR CHILD

Signs that your child prefers words of affirmation include…

• Requesting feedback about performance

• Being known as an attentive listener

• Treating words with care when they talk to others 

• Saving birthday cards (or any written notes)

• Seeking verbal reassurance 

WAYS TO SPEAK THIS LOVE LANGUAGE

• Be specific when giving praise

• Celebrate success

• Tape encouraging messages to doors or mirrors 

• Write lunch box notes

• Acknowledge hard work and effort 

• Frame a word cloud of their top character traits 

• Emphasize who they are as a person over what they do

• Write handwritten notes for special occasions 

ACTS OF SERVICE

For kids who receive love best through acts of service, actions really do speak louder than words. Thoughtful gestures such as volunteering at your child’s school or helping them fix a broken toy become bonds of trust (with roots that run deep). This love language can be tricky for parents who don’t want to finish tasks children are capable of completing on their own, but with time, you’ll be able to differentiate between requests that negate responsibility and requests that come from an inner desire to be loved. At the end of the day, it’s the intentionality behind the actions that matters most. 

WHAT THIS MIGHT LOOK LIKE IN YOUR CHILD

Signs that your child prefers acts of service include…

• Requesting help with tasks

• Expressing gratitude for practical or small acts of kindness

• Helping with chores around the house 

• Preparing meals with mom or dad in the kitchen

• Making life easier for friends or siblings

• Noticing what other people need 

WAYS TO SPEAK THIS LOVE LANGUAGE

• Warm the car before driving to school on a cold day 

• Walk them through steps (Ex: teach them to tie their shoes)

• Equip them to practice a skill (Ex: make a homemade soccer goal)

• Make their favorite meal 

• Find ways to make learning easier (Ex: Create multiplication flash cards together)

RECEIVING GIFTS

Children who experience love through gifts aren’t looking for something expensive…they’re looking for something thoughtful. The more thought you put into a gift, the more difficult it is for them to part with it. When they go to camp in the summer, sneak a roll of stickers into the front pocket of their suitcase so they can share them with all their friends. On the last day of school, leave a rose on their pillow. The smile it puts on their face is priceless. 

WHAT THIS MIGHT LOOK LIKE IN YOUR CHILD

Signs that your child prefers receiving gifts include…

• Remembering specific gifts people have given them 

• Having trouble getting rid of gifts

• Regularly gifting crafts or art projects 

• Commenting on how much they love specific gifts 

WAYS TO SPEAK THIS LOVE LANGUAGE

• Make a big deal of the gifts your child gives you 

• Have a special place to display artwork 

• Put thought into how you wrap or present gifts 

• Celebrate milestones in life with gifts 

• Establish family traditions that involve meaningful trinkets

QUALITY TIME

We all love making memories with the people we love most, but for a child whose top love language is sharing moments with you, the time you invest in their life means the world. Turn off all the alarms on your phone and hold your son or daughter’s heart in your hands. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what activity your child chooses, it simply matters that you’re doing it together. Dads, you may get invited to a few tea parties, and moms, you may become the next ninja warrior. Every hour is a lifelong investment.

WHAT THIS MIGHT LOOK LIKE IN YOUR CHILD

Signs that your child prefers quality time include…

• Using phrases such as “Watch this!” 

• Frequently asking you to play with them 

• Asking if they can show you things in their room 

• Telling you about their day at school

• Wanting your undivided attention 

WAYS TO SPEAK THIS LOVE LANGUAGE

• Have intentional chats with your child before they fall asleep

• Include your child in planning weekly meals 

• Ask specific questions about their day 

• Schedule one-on-one “dates” and let the child choose the activity

• Allow your child to spend time in the same room and be near you 

PHYSICAL TOUCH

For a child whose primary love language is physical touch, skin to skin contact reassures them of your love and creates a sense of security. These kids need to be touched, whether that means ending a game of one-on-one with a giant bear hug or playing “Rock, Paper, Scissors” after a hard day at school. Watch out…the loser may get tickled until they can’t stop laughing! Kids who desire physical touch simply want to be close to you. They want the assurance that comes from your caring embrace. 

WHAT THIS MIGHT LOOK LIKE IN YOUR CHILD

Signs that your child prefers physical touch include…

• Constantly wanting to be in your space

• Touching you while having conversations 

• Waking up early to crawl into your bed

• Seeking comfort from cuddling or being close to people they love

• Regularly putting their arm around friends or family members 

WAYS TO SPEAK THIS LOVE LANGUAGE

• Affection (hugs, snuggling on the couch, playing with your child’s hair)

• Physical Activity (wrestling in the living room, piggy back rides)

• Rituals (secret hand shakes, high fives, reading bedtime stories in your lap)

Now that we’ve covered all the love languages, check out this chart with a few more examples of how they can be applied for a dance recital, a soccer game, and a spelling test…

CONCLUSION

With all this talk about love languages, you’re well on your way to becoming a multilingual parent! Loving our children is one of the greatest legacies we can leave the next generation. Let us come alongside you in that journey.

With care,

Lone Star Nannies